Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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