Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize