It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
