why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
