You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
