Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
