No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
