I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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