Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
