Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
