I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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