what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
