I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I need a burrito and a hug.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
