I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize