I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
