There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
