Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
