We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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