Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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