imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
