Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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