Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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