I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
