worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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