There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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