Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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