yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
