"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
