Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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