I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
