sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
