I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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