i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
