Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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