I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
