i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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