Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
