Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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