Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
