I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
jump out the window naked night went bad
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