careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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