He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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