too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
