i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
