WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
