i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
