He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
