I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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