So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
