never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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