How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
