no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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