Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
