the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
