I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
