Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
