She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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