I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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