i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize