pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
