Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
