I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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