Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize