The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently I’m into choking now
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