Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
