I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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