so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the condom got lost in my hair
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize