Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
